I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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