i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My vagina just recognized that song.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
