How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
