Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
