Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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