I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
FUCK WHALES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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