I wish my penis had an off switch
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
