I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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