I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
