I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
