my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
