I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize