I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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