I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
