Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
