I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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