This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
