just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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