The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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