Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
