if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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