You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
