A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
