well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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