Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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