Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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