i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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