Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
