I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
