Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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