just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
