you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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