there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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