I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
