I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
