Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
whose parrot is this?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
