Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had sex on a roof
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
