She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
