I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
