He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
