don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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