i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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