Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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