I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
