I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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