So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
