I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I just put wine in my tea
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
