Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
