Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
