when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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