I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
