tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
