This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize