they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had sex on a roof
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
