i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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