His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
