my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
