Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
