Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
