idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
