another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
