I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
