Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
