so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
