I have demons in me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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