Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
