My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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