one might say we're banned from that church
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
