Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
