im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
