you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
