Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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