So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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