ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
