I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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