New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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