her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
