Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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