You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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