ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
