Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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