Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
