She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
