There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
