I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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