I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
