there was a trapeze. enough said
I cut my penus on the lid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
