are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
