I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
