I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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