my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
