Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
