I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
