is your mom at the bar?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
