I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
