The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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