I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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