she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
