we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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